"The Undervalued Self-Worth: When Growth Separates Your Flower From The Dirt"

Being a twenty-something year old in a major city working toward all your personal goals and still trying to maintain a thriving dating life, can be quiet complicated. The only thing that can complicate dating anymore than one could expect is not knowing the value that you bring to the table. It's so easy to identify the benefits of having a significant other, and the impact that they can have on our lives, but how often do we stop to consider what we bring to the table? 

Part of growing is experiencing the less than satisfactory and taking away what we can to improve going forward. My personal growth (and hardened exterior) came from trusting those that had nothing but themselves in mind. But because I failed to assess my own value, I chose to look past that attributing their inconsistencies to past traumas, not even acknowledging my own. When we begin to compromise on what we deserve in order to keep the company of those not deserving of our time, this is when we being to lose ourselves! I lowered my standards to help individuals make the cut only to have them not acknowledge my worth was ten times what they deserved. 

Once I took a step back and began to understand myself, my needs, my aspirations, and most importantly my value (on all levels), dating became a hell of a lot simpler. Understanding and investing more time in yourself, as opposed to others is in no way selfish, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. My advice to you is simple, and its not rocket science or something we haven't heard before, but follow your instincts. No matter the potential you see in someone, don't let that allow you to disregard actions. Believe me, there's enough men and women out there to move on without fearing what you're losing, because at the end of the day it's not worth losing yourself, THAT you'll never get back. 

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  • ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR WORTH and handle others accordingly
  • Make the first move if your interested
  • Travel often and alone (when time alone is needed)
  • Talk about experiences with trusted individuals
  • build bonds outside of romantic ones (this makes you less dependent on your significant other)
  • Open up to those that have given the same time, energy, and communication that you deserve
  • Reassess relationships and proceed accordingly


  • Don't feel that time alone is time wasted
  • Don't let anyone in a toxic situation or mindset make you feel guilty about focusing on you
  • ITS OK TO SAY NO TO DATES (there'll be plenty more offers)
  • Don't force a connection just to have something to hold on to
  • Don't pressure yourself based on the relationship status of those close to you
  • Don't let past experiences keep you from entering new ones

"The Evolution of Friendships"

We've all been in friendships that have lived on far past their prime. I don't mean that negatively, we simply buy in to the idea that the amount of time that you've known someone guarantees them a permanent place in your life. This may not always be the case. Friendships, just like courtships, are partnerships that require the work and effort of two people. Time doesn't equate success, after all just because I work a job 10 years doesn't mean I automatically become CEO, if the work hasn't been put in, you're still where you started. It's also hard to assess past friendships, if you're not making new ones. I, for the longest time was suffocating in the toxic air that was a "friendship" and only the doors opening to new connections allowed me to not only breathe fresh air again, but to acknowledge I deserved nothing less. 

Now, am I saying go through your friends list and start blocking people right this second? NO. (we'll get there eventually though). I'm simply saying use the same approaches in choosing your circle of friends as you would someone you are dating. Are they matching your effort? Are they working toward goals? Do you communicate? Do they know your goals and openly support them? Do they build you up or focus on themselves and tear you down in the process? The answers to these questions should lead you straight to where you stand with this individual. Express your feelings and attempt to salvage the friendship, but if your effort is not matched, reassess the importance of keeping that connection. Also, don't be afraid to make new ones! "No new friends" is played out and childish, network, open up, and see the individuals that you attract into your life!